Tough Times...

I know I promised two workouts this week but it's been tough for me.

Remember this my post about "Working Mother?"

well....Here's the phone conversation.

Last Thursday I got this call from the amazing Jenny Dee:

Jenny: Is this Aubry?

Me: yes

Jenny: This is Jenny. How are you?

Me: *skeptical* good

Jenny: Great! Well, I just wanted to talk to you about the Mortgage Loan Processor position. We really love your personality, smile and spunk....(this is where I was expecting the BUT) and we'd like to offer you the position.

Me: .....

I honestly didn't know what to say.

I was up against someone who already has loan processing experience so I was prepared for the rejection call.

And I was ok with that.

There was another part time position that I could apply for.

Work mornings and have the rest of the day with my baby boy.

But that isn't how it turned out.

I was excited!

Really I was.

There isn't a job that I have interviewed for that I haven't gotten the position.

But then I hung up the phone and looked down at my baby boy in his swing smiling at his Mommy....

....and cried....

I knew what I was giving up but hoping it wouldn't come to this...

I knew what I was going to miss...

This is the hardest decision that I have ever made.

My dream since I was little was to be a stay-at-home Mom.

That was suppose to be my full-time job.

After thinking about my life and my plans, nothing that I have planned has ever worked out.

And I can add this to the list of things.

But there is a reason that I went back to work.

And Heavenly Father knows what is going to happen down the road and I'm suppose to have this job.

But it's so hard knowing that someone else is taking care of my baby.

Playing with my baby.

Seeing all the laughs and smiles

and all the firsts....

Monday was good because I was so busy learning everything.

It went all down hill from there.

My sister came and picked up Little Man and my other sister(who was watching him) and took them to play.

She kept sending me pictures while I was at work.

The only thing that I could think of was "I'm suppose to be there with my baby. I don't want to miss a thing"

I wish I could rewind and stop on my last day with Lyle and keep rewinding that day so it would never end.

I don't get home until 5:30 - 6 and by that time Lyle is fussy, tired, and hungry.

I do get some smiles but they don't last that long.

And depending on how he slept throughout the day, depends on if I get the laughs from him.

I know I get Saturdays and Sundays to be with him all day, but that just isn't enough for me.

This is seriously the hardest thing I've had to do so far in my life.

I wish I could play with him on the floor and watch him as he figures out how to roll around.

How he inspects his toys to find the best "chewing" spot.

Our dancing and singing around the kitchen to Children's Jack Johnson.

I just miss being with him all day.

I love my job and work with amazing people, but if I could I would stay at home forever.

If you are a stay-at-home Mom, don't take it for granted.

It is the best thing you will ever do.

And if you have to go back to work, I feel your pain.

If you choose to go back to work, props to ya!

I have sisters that chose to go back to work because they'd rather be there than at home with their brains oozing out of their heads.

And they are still great Mothers.

I will be OK at one point but right now it's pretty hard.

 and to add on top of it...Dee has been working two jobs and so sometimes I don't even see him.

That is really hard especially since these past few days all I've wanted to do is cry.

He gets up at 5:30 kisses me goodbye at 6, sometimes comes home to grab some food, comes home around 10:30 and I'm already asleep.

I know this isn't going to be a long term thing but I need my best friend right now.

I cherish every moment I have with my boys because it isn't that long during the week.

Or tomorrow since Dee with be working in Draper all day....

sheesh...

But I have my time with Lyle for two days and no one can take that away from me!

Love and cherish your family. I know I do!